What am I doing wrong? A self evaluation

Time and time again, I've heard "you are your own worst critic".  But I have to disagree.  Some people really are their own worst critic BUT (take notice of the big but there) most people are not that critical of themselves.  Scratch that...most people aren't honest with themselves.  We can be overly critical over things that don't matter like weight, physical imperfections, & things people really don't notice

I actually have gotten half a dozen more freckles in the last 2 years.  I'm almost positive people can actually tell.

See what I mean?

For a couple of months now, I've been looking at my career as an author with a critical eye.  Why haven't I sold more books?  Why don't I have more reviews?  Why are people not supporting me.  It took a lot of wine to come to the conclusion that maybe it's not them, it's me. *ding dong*

I like to think that I'm pretty good at self assessments but really, I'm not.  So I decided to break myself down and see what the real deal is.  I mean seriously look at me as an author and evaluate myself truthfully.

I think this may hurt a little.



The first question I asked myself is why do I write?  Because if I'm writing for a paycheck, well, I can stop right now.  Thankfully, I'm not writing for the money.  If/When the money comes, I will be thrilled!  However, I write because I like it.  I love it.  If all I  could do was stay home and write and not have to worry about rent or gas, or that little thing called survival, I would do it in a heartbeat.

So, if money was not an option, what would you do with your life?  My answer was W-R-I-T-E.

The next question in my author self assessment was, what do you think it takes to be a successful author?  That's when I came up with the list and this self evaluation took a painful turn.

Dedication  Creativity  Confidence   Patience.

Dedication...I'm dedicated when I'm writing a book.  I'm dedicated to my twitter account.  I could probably be more dedicated...#okayIlied I could definitely be more dedicated to the entire process.

Creativity...I got that one in the bag! While I might not be good at graphic design (I really cannot design a book cover to save my life...but there are people who can so I'm in the clear), I can come up with stories and turn those stories into books.  Hell, I turned a concert experience into a Bestselling novel.

Yeah, creative, I got that.

Confidence...*laughing*
There are certain areas of my life that I am completely confident in. What I have noticed is that I'm not 100% confident in my decision to be an author. I'm about 80% there.

Which is not good enough.

A successful author has to be fully confident in her ability to write a novel that readers want to read.  She has to be confident in speaking about that novel and confident in her sell.  95% of marketing and promotion is confidence.

So I'm not there yet.  I've added "build confidence level" to my to-do list.

And lastly, patience.  Did you read my last post?

Not something I have an abundance of.  I'm self aware enough to know how impatient I am.  I want my book in the hands of readers and I want it NOW!

Unfortunately, building a fan base and dedicated readership doesn't happen NOW.

At the end of my self-assessment (oh Thank God!) I came to the conclusion that my disappointments are my own fault.  #ouch

But at least now, I have no excuses because I know exactly what I need to work on and do it.  If I am not successful as an author or as a person in general, I only have myself to blame.

Jeez, my mother used to say that all the time.

*deep sigh* Who has the wine?