Monday, September 3, 2012

Men giving relationship advice? Hold on, I'm trying to stop laughing.

This post has been a long time coming, but last week was when I realized that I really needed to take the time and write it.  Last week, the movie “Think Like a Man” came out on Blu-ray so I called a few girlfriends over to watch it and have a “Think Like a Man” girls’ night.

We’d all seen the movie when it was in theaters and most of us (I only got to through half) had read Steve Harvey’s bestselling book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, but no one can resist watching that fine ass Michael Ealy over and over…at least we can't.

The conversation afterwards is what got me thinking about why women value men’s advice so much when we have enough women in our lives to turn to.  We all have our sisters, mothers, and girlfriends that we run to with our relationship problems, whether these women be single, married, or their Facebook relationship status says “It’s complicated”.  We value their insight most of the time.

On the other hand, when a man writes a book giving relationship advice to a woman, we soak it up like a sponge and hold on to every word like it’s gospel.  When Act Like a Lady came out, I saw women clutching that book close to their hearts like it was the Bible.


Why do we think that anyone with a Y chromosome is going to give us better advice about men and relationships than another woman?  Is it because we trust men to tell us the truth?  If so, ladies, we have some serious issues.

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man isn’t the first book of it’s kind.  Michael Baisden wrote “Never Satisfied: How and Why Men Cheat”.  Kole Black wrote “Sex Therapy:  A Woman’s Guide to How Men Cheat” and “Sex Therapy II: A Women’s Guide to Understanding Why Men Fear Commitment”…this list is long!

I love men, I truly do.  While I appreciate the attempt to assist us with understanding men so we can find Mr. Right, I do not trust the advice that is given in these books, movies, and talk shows.  Mainly because of the source.

While Steve Harvey and the others may have thought that they were doing a favor to women by revealing the “secret thoughts of men”, I can only say… “Thank you, but PUH-LEEZE!” while giving them the side eye.

Think about it.

A man is genetically designed to act a certain way.  This is something that women already know.  If you don’t know this by now, you have not been listening to your mother.  I’m sure she told you this.  While the intentions of men who write these books, have these talk shows, and make these movies are good, the effort is flawed.

Because they are only telling us what we already know.  Just because it’s coming from a man doesn’t make it any better than when your girlfriend told you that you are trying too hard or that he’s not going to commit because you haven’t required him to do so.  Or that time when all your friends chipped in to buy you a chastity belt because you couldn’t seem to understand why it was not a good idea to give away your cookies on the FIRST date.

Then there’s my deep rooted suspicion that no man is going to give up his counterparts’ secrets.
Bro-code…bros before hoes, remember?

A man will do everything in his power to keep from violating the code.  That is why these books are filled with advice that you’ve been given since the moment you told your mother that you likeed a boy.  They aren’t giving away their game.  For a man to do that, he would be shunned by all men for eternity.  Do you really think that’s going to happen?

Ask any man you know if they were nervous when Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man or Never Satisfied was released.  Then ask them if they’ve read them.  I’d bet my rent money that the answer is no.  They had nothing to fear.  Women weren’t all of a sudden going to be hip to their sneaky shit.  Oh no! Because men knew that neither of these books were going to tell us anything new.  To do so would be a major violation!  A man is not going to do that.

My own friend, when asked those questions, looked at me like I’d grown a third eye and said… “Come on, he ain’t sayin’ nothing in that book.”

There’s your answer…from the mouth of a man.

If you’re like me, then you can pick up any one of the male penned relationship advice books, sit back with a cup of coffee and a highlighter and pinpoint everything that you already know or have already been told…by a woman!

That book will be pink from cover to cover.

Sure, there are many women in our inner circle who we know we can’t trust a word out of her mouth.  She’ll tell you just the opposite of what you really need to do because she has your man in her sights.  We know that woman, the constant violator of the P-code.

So don’t ask her anything.  Stick to the women that love you, that you know only have your best interest at heart.  And listen to your mother because her advice is always going to be the best.  And if you must take advice from a man about relationships, look to your father or brother.  It’s their job not to steer you wrong.

To sum this up, I have just one question…how many relationship advice books for men, written by women are bestsellers?

Think about it.  Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Live, Dream...Write!

For Discussion:  What’s the best relationship advice that you’ve gotten and actually followed?  Leave your answer in the comments section.

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